Years after we broke up, we had this conversation:
Me: Asking you the same question you asked me this afternoon - What are we now?
Him: we are... someone who can share anything..good or bad...joy and despair?... may be better than married couple? (thats truly how i felt)... i dunno...
Him: i have kept this for quite sometime... i know if i have started it...you will ask till i answer... but i think now the times right.... perhaps after telling you this, we will know what we are better... thats why i post the question of "what are we" this afternoon... wanna hear about it?
Me: ok... all ears
Him: it was painful the day we broke up... and there are a lot of things running in my mind... we had some wonderful experience...and things are rosy... and most of the things i have already explained and you know... i want you to be happy and you know right?
Me: i know
Him: and i dont want you to anchor to me and you know right?
Me: i know
Him: and i know you hate me right?
Me: how u know? :) hahaha
Me:no la... i was just... not prepared for that then... and perhaps a little ng gum sum...
Him: if i drag on for being selfish...it will be worst. Each day i will eat you away... piece by piece... if i let you anchor to me (which will be a great injustice to you) and offer no future... i'll be the "chin gu jui yan" and bear that name for the rest of my life for wasting your youthfulness
Him: i remember all our things... i never expect we would speak again... but it turn out positive and i'm really happy about it... i wanna say...i really like talking to you... we had unpleasant and wonderful experience…
Him: so, what are we?
Me: ........ i dono...
Him: see...me too
Him: we cannot be into a relationship....but we are more than friends?
Me: yeah... sumting lidat
I felt better after this conversation, much better. It sort of gave me a jab to settle me down in what we are now. A kind of release, liberation from all the unseen knots in me. All the while, I knew that while we cant be together, there is always this something inside of me that keeps wondering. The big ‘IF’. But now, I think I know better what I want out of this ‘relationship’. I think for him too, this sort of puts an end to the many questions in both our hearts.
Me: Asking you the same question you asked me this afternoon - What are we now?
Him: we are... someone who can share anything..good or bad...joy and despair?... may be better than married couple? (thats truly how i felt)... i dunno...
Him: i have kept this for quite sometime... i know if i have started it...you will ask till i answer... but i think now the times right.... perhaps after telling you this, we will know what we are better... thats why i post the question of "what are we" this afternoon... wanna hear about it?
Me: ok... all ears
Him: it was painful the day we broke up... and there are a lot of things running in my mind... we had some wonderful experience...and things are rosy... and most of the things i have already explained and you know... i want you to be happy and you know right?
Me: i know
Him: and i dont want you to anchor to me and you know right?
Me: i know
Him: and i know you hate me right?
Me: how u know? :) hahaha
Me:no la... i was just... not prepared for that then... and perhaps a little ng gum sum...
Him: if i drag on for being selfish...it will be worst. Each day i will eat you away... piece by piece... if i let you anchor to me (which will be a great injustice to you) and offer no future... i'll be the "chin gu jui yan" and bear that name for the rest of my life for wasting your youthfulness
Him: i remember all our things... i never expect we would speak again... but it turn out positive and i'm really happy about it... i wanna say...i really like talking to you... we had unpleasant and wonderful experience…
Him: so, what are we?
Me: ........ i dono...
Him: see...me too
Him: we cannot be into a relationship....but we are more than friends?
Me: yeah... sumting lidat
I felt better after this conversation, much better. It sort of gave me a jab to settle me down in what we are now. A kind of release, liberation from all the unseen knots in me. All the while, I knew that while we cant be together, there is always this something inside of me that keeps wondering. The big ‘IF’. But now, I think I know better what I want out of this ‘relationship’. I think for him too, this sort of puts an end to the many questions in both our hearts.
You know who you are. I will always love you, and you will always have a special room in my heart. *hugs*
2 comments:
good to see you in rainbows again. looks like a good year, eh?
not rainbows yet... no man yet... someone just suan me eager to get married mah... hmph!
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