I think, I am back to the state of mind, where I feel lost.
I don’t know what I want.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what I want to do.
I have no aim in life, no purpose.
Everything I do, I do halfheartedly. I have never really put in a lot of effort to my career. I have never really put in more effort than I need to pass in my studies. What I live for, I don’t know.
I have always been one of those who hug the Buddha’s legs at the last minute. I studied the night before exams. Well, maybe only when I was doing my degree, I put in a little more effort, probably knowing that I was studying on a loan, and if I don’t do well, I can’t justify that.
I have never really put in a lot of effort in my work, perhaps knowing that all this is not what I want to do. I know I have to ask myself, and no one else can answer that for me – What do I want to do? The problem is, I really don’t know. What I really want to do is, not do anything, but that, probably is not the best answer, and I can never be able to survive if I do not do anything.
I probably never complained much before, because even if this is not what I want to do, at least I am given the freedom to do things freely, and I am happy to see the people around happy. I am able to settle my bills, and yet have enough to eat and play.
But now, I am stuck here, doing the same thing, but not as freely as I used to be. Maybe because the older I am, the more stubborn I become, the less submissive I am. If I do not agree with you, and I am forced to do so, then I am super unhappy, and I feel like shit for the rest of the day.
I need the money now, and I can’t afford to just leave without a job, and do something I want to do, but can’t give me the money I need.
And I am extremely unhappy to be doing what I have to do now. The only good thing is, I still have a little freedom for another few months. But I think I will have to think of an alternative soon.
Why do we need to have money? Why can’t everyone just give and take what they need to? Why do we need to work? Why do we need to do all these?
Was just commenting to a friend, that I probably would not want any children, because I don’t want to bring them to this world to suffer.
Yes, that will probably be my decision.
I don’t know what I want.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what I want to do.
I have no aim in life, no purpose.
Everything I do, I do halfheartedly. I have never really put in a lot of effort to my career. I have never really put in more effort than I need to pass in my studies. What I live for, I don’t know.
I have always been one of those who hug the Buddha’s legs at the last minute. I studied the night before exams. Well, maybe only when I was doing my degree, I put in a little more effort, probably knowing that I was studying on a loan, and if I don’t do well, I can’t justify that.
I have never really put in a lot of effort in my work, perhaps knowing that all this is not what I want to do. I know I have to ask myself, and no one else can answer that for me – What do I want to do? The problem is, I really don’t know. What I really want to do is, not do anything, but that, probably is not the best answer, and I can never be able to survive if I do not do anything.
I probably never complained much before, because even if this is not what I want to do, at least I am given the freedom to do things freely, and I am happy to see the people around happy. I am able to settle my bills, and yet have enough to eat and play.
But now, I am stuck here, doing the same thing, but not as freely as I used to be. Maybe because the older I am, the more stubborn I become, the less submissive I am. If I do not agree with you, and I am forced to do so, then I am super unhappy, and I feel like shit for the rest of the day.
I need the money now, and I can’t afford to just leave without a job, and do something I want to do, but can’t give me the money I need.
And I am extremely unhappy to be doing what I have to do now. The only good thing is, I still have a little freedom for another few months. But I think I will have to think of an alternative soon.
Why do we need to have money? Why can’t everyone just give and take what they need to? Why do we need to work? Why do we need to do all these?
Was just commenting to a friend, that I probably would not want any children, because I don’t want to bring them to this world to suffer.
Yes, that will probably be my decision.
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