Third Party

Yesterday I was talking to a friend over MSN. Here is part of our conversation:

(Our earlier conversation was about me complaining when I will find my Prince Charming. R is my friend. He is attached)

R: Maybe you will find your prince charming tomorrow leh...

Me: Ya right....

R: Can I have the honour of trying my luck at your area tomorrow?

Me: You caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn... But you will fail lor. Cos I will never be third party.

*Pause*

Me: Cos I believe in retribution....

R: True.....

*Another pause*

Me: Ei, how come I have erm... the feeling that you like me? Dont make me scared leh...

*Pause*

R: You have the feeling that I like you?

*Pause*

R: Do you really feel that way?

Me: Hmmm... Not yet... hahahahaha

R: hahahaha

Me: But I dont wanna start anything lor. So Please dont. Dont forget about your gf..

R: I just feel comfortable with you. Can talk about anything. But sometimes some things cannot be controlled...

Me: Welllllllllllllll.... If you really feel something, please go and settle your own problems before you come and ka chiao me ok...

R is someone I met 'accidentally' not long ago, and we kept in touch over MSN. We chat almost every night. Except weekends when I seldom log in. But he did mention that he waited for me till late then he logged out. Am I being sensitive or what? I dont know. I dont want to jump to conclusions. Maybe he just wants to be friends?

I confess, I had ever been a third party. And the feeling sucks. You have to be careful when you go on the streets. No intimate actions, not to mention even holding hands. And when the 'legal/official' party calls, and he had had to go, the feeling is even more sucky. You know that you have to let him go. You can only be backup. And the worse thing is: you cannot complain. Or should I say, you have no right to complain. You chose this path, and you have to bear the consequence.

Actually, I had no regrets. I did not ask for more. All I wanted was to be able to see him once in a while, and I was happy. Yes, I did feel lousy when there were times when he couldnt make it to spend time with me. But I never complained. I tried to be understanding that he had to juggle time between his family, business and me. Though we were only together for a short period of time, we have loads of happy and sweet memories. Maybe it was the obstacles that made us cherish the times together. He couldnt take the stress. He called it off. Initially I was not able to take it. Kept pestering him. Make him and myself more miserable. (Having said that, I told myself that I will never be such a nuisance again. Even if I wanna die also die quietly, wont be such a pest anymore!) To the point that he 'shouted' at me for the first time. Then I started to wake up (Remember Pathological Lying? Maybe I had a 'relapse' and in the end cured myself of lovesickness ;p).

Would I have continued the relationship if he had not ended it so abruptly? Yes I think would. I was even prepared to give up everything here and move over to be with him. Live simply, and be happy. Even the few relationships I had after that, I kept using him as a scale of measure. No one relationship could compare to what I had with him. Yes I know, I know its not right and not good and not healthy to compare. But sometimes you just cant help but do it.... Maybe things that are beyond your reach will always be the best...

I am happy as I am now. Bubbles, JB-ren and Ms HP said that I have become more 'anti-social' nowadays. Have I? Maybe I have. Been in my hermit mood alot recently. I have just become tired of repeating the same process over and over again. And end up being disappointed again and again. Its really tiring, and I seem to be oblivious to what is happening around me nowadays. Only concerned about those things that I already know or is familiar with. Bubbles keep asking me to make new friends, but Bubbles, I am really tired. Maybe we are different in character. You are always the 'social butterfly' (no mean thods, but that is what comes to my mind now) and I am the shy mimosa (touch me and I will close myself up). Sometimes you may catch me in my social butterfly mood, but that is rare. I like to listen to people talk, but communication is always 2-way, unless that person doesnt mind me keeping quiet and just rattle on (in which case, I do not mind at all ;p) So if you like to talk, come be my friend ok? ^_^