Saturday, October 28, 2006

Them

Him

He asked me why I was hanging out with guys at such a young age, and that I should be concentrating on my studies. He insisted that I was with bad influence and warned me that if he ever catches me with ‘him’ again, he will disown me.

The ‘guy’ was my classmate. I was from a girls’ school.

I will not have the chance to be lectured by him anymore.


Him

He asked me why I do so many things for him, even though he did not appreciate it. I told him it was because I loved him, and I didnt expect anything in return. He accepted everything I did for him. And took everything for granted.

He paid me back by giving me pushes and shoves and scars.

He will not have the chance to hurt me again.


Him

We were playing with the little ball he brought with him. We played until the sun went down beyond the horizon. I sent him home. He would come again the next day. And the next. And the next. Until I stopped opening the door for him. His little hands pounded on the door, asking me why I did not want to play with him anymore. Why I did not want him anymore. My tears started flowing.

I will never have the chance to play with him anymore.


Him

He asked my why I chose to be with him, even though I knew there might not be any future. I told him I was lost too, I just followed my heart. I had wanted to give up, but he told me not to let go if I loved him. I hung on. But he let go.

I will never trust him again.


Him

He told me he would be together with me forever. Did I believe him then? Maybe deep in my heart, I did not. True enough, it did not last. He is just bored.

I have forgiven him.


Him

He is just a jerk.

I have forgotten about him.


Him

He asked me why I chose to end the relationship. I told him endless times the reason why – I could not see a future with him. He hurled vulgarities at me. I ignored him. I guess he felt undignified, just wanted some form of revenge.

I completely ignored his childishness.


Him

He kept making promises he could not fulfill. Could not or did not want to, only he himself knew. I gave him a choice. He made it, but blamed it on me. If that was the way he wanted it to be, so be it.

I have no more faith in him.

****************************************************************************

I yearn for love, but I think I am numb.

Ironically, my tear ducts are still very active. They are uncontrollable. They seem to have a mind of their own. They come and go as they like.

I cant seem to take control of anything. Just as I thought that everything is within my control, something has to happen to make me realize what a failure I am.

I just feel like burying my head in my pillow and block everything out.

I will be alright. Tomorrow will be better.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

when decisions are made through agony and dead ends...He too bleeds forever...there are no happily ever after...no family reunion at the end of the show...

Rose said...

Anonymous - Thats very pessimistic...