My ex-ex-boss’s father passed away yesterday. I remembered when my pa was ill, she was nice to let me adjust my working hours so that I can visit him in the hospital then. Once she even drove me to the hospital after a meeting. Not many bosses would be that nice, or willing to let you work flexible hours. I am lucky that she, and my ex-boss, are nice and understanding people.
My pa had cancer of the pancreas. It was a trying and painful process for all. Painful for my pa – he always said that we did not know or understand how he was suffering, what kind of pain he was in. Trying for all of us – we were all exceptionally careful in what we say, what we do, what we eat. We were afraid that something would trigger his emotions, which is what we did not want. Mum had the worst of it all, being the main caregiver to Pa. We all knew, including pa, that he did not have very long to live, and wanted him to just be happy for these remaining days, no matter how long or short it is.
Pa was a typical Chinese father – conservative, stern. We, as his children did not help alot by not communicating much with him. The distance between Pa and us just grew wider as we grew up. Only in the recent years, we were more willing to give in to him, go for more family outings etc. But it would never make up for the years we have lost.
Although Pa was always not very expressive, we know that he did love us. Whatever he did or did not do, I believed he strongly believed that it was for our good. He did little things that touched my heart. Like I briefly mentioned that I liked to eat fish. And every meal after that, there was always a dish of fish, be it steamed, fried or just a side garnish. Mum said that Pa always said ‘Ah zhi likes fish. Lets buy some’ whenever they go marketing on Sundays. I do not know whether it was enough, but I try to show my appreciation by finishing that dish all the time.
Pa had always been a very proud man. He would never admit that there is something he cannot do. Therefore he would always try his best whenever he was given a task to complete, be it work or a personal favour. Though he did not say it, I know that he must be feeling terrible during his last days, especially when he needed help to go toilet. Most times, it would be mum helping him. But there were times when she was busy with something else, we would help. When he needed to wear adult diapers, we would also help change him. If he had a choice, he would never want us to. But he was strong till the end, he did not once express his despair to us.
In Tuesdays with Morris, Morris had gracefully accepted the fact that he needed help when he was sick, and graciously accepted the help offered. In real life, how many of us are able to do that? Many of us, I believe, would rather die on the spot than to let someone, maybe even a stranger, or someone who always looked up to you, see you naked and help you clean up.
I salute those who can do it. Especially you, Pa.
My pa had cancer of the pancreas. It was a trying and painful process for all. Painful for my pa – he always said that we did not know or understand how he was suffering, what kind of pain he was in. Trying for all of us – we were all exceptionally careful in what we say, what we do, what we eat. We were afraid that something would trigger his emotions, which is what we did not want. Mum had the worst of it all, being the main caregiver to Pa. We all knew, including pa, that he did not have very long to live, and wanted him to just be happy for these remaining days, no matter how long or short it is.
Pa was a typical Chinese father – conservative, stern. We, as his children did not help alot by not communicating much with him. The distance between Pa and us just grew wider as we grew up. Only in the recent years, we were more willing to give in to him, go for more family outings etc. But it would never make up for the years we have lost.
Although Pa was always not very expressive, we know that he did love us. Whatever he did or did not do, I believed he strongly believed that it was for our good. He did little things that touched my heart. Like I briefly mentioned that I liked to eat fish. And every meal after that, there was always a dish of fish, be it steamed, fried or just a side garnish. Mum said that Pa always said ‘Ah zhi likes fish. Lets buy some’ whenever they go marketing on Sundays. I do not know whether it was enough, but I try to show my appreciation by finishing that dish all the time.
Pa had always been a very proud man. He would never admit that there is something he cannot do. Therefore he would always try his best whenever he was given a task to complete, be it work or a personal favour. Though he did not say it, I know that he must be feeling terrible during his last days, especially when he needed help to go toilet. Most times, it would be mum helping him. But there were times when she was busy with something else, we would help. When he needed to wear adult diapers, we would also help change him. If he had a choice, he would never want us to. But he was strong till the end, he did not once express his despair to us.
In Tuesdays with Morris, Morris had gracefully accepted the fact that he needed help when he was sick, and graciously accepted the help offered. In real life, how many of us are able to do that? Many of us, I believe, would rather die on the spot than to let someone, maybe even a stranger, or someone who always looked up to you, see you naked and help you clean up.
I salute those who can do it. Especially you, Pa.
1 comment:
Tuesdays with Morris.. great book..Think you are doing great.. with your mom.. can sense the effort you're putting in.. Way to go gal :)
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