I have never been very lucky when it comes to relationship. Or more precisely, love. Love between a man and a woman.
I am the kind of women that fall head over heels, and commits herself into a relationship when she manages to get herself into one. Stupid, yes, I know. But that is how I am. No matter how many times I told myself never to do it again the next time, the thought simply vanished into the unknown space once that next time came.
Of course, I learn as I loved, and lost, and recovered each time my poor heart was broken. And each time, I protected myself more, put up the wall around myself higher than before. But, I am someone easily moved, and once that guard is let down, hell breaks loose. I just hope that my next one would be THE one…
Now I come to think of it, I was quite a stalker when I was younger. Hhahahaha. Sounds scary, don’t I? But, yes, now I remember, I was a stalker (Please note the past tense hor!).
There was this guy from my Polytechnic, same course but another class. He hung out with the guys in my class, so we knew each other. I sort of liked him because… he had small eyes. Ok, yes I like guys with small, single eyelid eyes, even now. Somehow, I will pay a little more attention to them, whether I actually like them or not. I find them attractive kekeke. Of course not all small eyes guys lah. Must have some kind of standard there one ok!
So, I liked this guy. Everyday, after our lessons end for the day, instead of going home, I would take a bus, in the opposite direction of where I should be heading. Because this guy took the same bus! Ahahaha! Silly right? The bus is usually damn crowded, and in order not to make him suspicious, I would let him board the bus first, then I would be one of the last few to board. And I always hoped that I could get a seat later on right beside him so I could talk to him. But alas, no! So many times I took the bus with him, I never had the chance to talk. And he stayed far far away from where I stay lor! Bah! Up to the point that I even knew where he alighted, what bus he changed, which block he stayed in, and I could do it so secretly that he wouldn’t even know that I was behind him! Good eh? I think I can become a PI… kekeke…
Anyway, he took a liking to another friend of mine eventually (and I was the one who introduced them!), and they lived happily ever after. He was her first love leh! How nice to be able to marry your first love. That would never happen to me. They are married with I think at least 2 kids now (The last I knew was one lah). Funny, I did not feel sour or anything about that, because maybe I knew that we would never be together. We were… different. So that was my first crush.
My first real love was, well, someone from where I did my degree. He was quite a prominent figure in the school then. Being tall (I like tall), not that bad looking (ok, I know some of you may beg to differ on this point), and some other qualities that only people like me will appreciate.
Many other girls were infatuated with him back then. Why, don’t ask me, because I already said mah, only people like me will know how to ‘appreciate’ him. So yeah, he was popular.
Back then, I still was the old plain Jane (Not to say I am not one now, but I think I look better now than then). Not many people would notice me. If I were to stay in one corner and keep quiet, I think no one would even know I am there!
Somehow, he noticed me. Maybe he was making use of me, because the first time he called me was to borrow some research materials. And it just started from there.
Maybe it really takes time for one to understand another person. Or maybe things simply changed. Lady Luck stopped smiling on him. Everything just went downhill for him. And I left. I know many will say that I should stand by him blah blah. I did. And I think that what I did for him was more than what I could give. Much much more. And I think I had suffered enough, physically, emotionally and financially, to give me reasons enough to leave.
It took me a long time to forget about the relationship, to totally cut off all contact with him. So long it surprised even me. And I think I was really a stupid girl then.
How many of you will actually pay the handphone bill for your ex, up till 2 years after the breakup???
And how many of your ex will actually call and ask you how come you stopped paying, when you finally decided to stop???
Tell me, who can be more stupid than me.
Flower Power
7 Stalks of Roses - I Am Infatuated By You
I am the kind of women that fall head over heels, and commits herself into a relationship when she manages to get herself into one. Stupid, yes, I know. But that is how I am. No matter how many times I told myself never to do it again the next time, the thought simply vanished into the unknown space once that next time came.
Of course, I learn as I loved, and lost, and recovered each time my poor heart was broken. And each time, I protected myself more, put up the wall around myself higher than before. But, I am someone easily moved, and once that guard is let down, hell breaks loose. I just hope that my next one would be THE one…
Now I come to think of it, I was quite a stalker when I was younger. Hhahahaha. Sounds scary, don’t I? But, yes, now I remember, I was a stalker (Please note the past tense hor!).
There was this guy from my Polytechnic, same course but another class. He hung out with the guys in my class, so we knew each other. I sort of liked him because… he had small eyes. Ok, yes I like guys with small, single eyelid eyes, even now. Somehow, I will pay a little more attention to them, whether I actually like them or not. I find them attractive kekeke. Of course not all small eyes guys lah. Must have some kind of standard there one ok!
So, I liked this guy. Everyday, after our lessons end for the day, instead of going home, I would take a bus, in the opposite direction of where I should be heading. Because this guy took the same bus! Ahahaha! Silly right? The bus is usually damn crowded, and in order not to make him suspicious, I would let him board the bus first, then I would be one of the last few to board. And I always hoped that I could get a seat later on right beside him so I could talk to him. But alas, no! So many times I took the bus with him, I never had the chance to talk. And he stayed far far away from where I stay lor! Bah! Up to the point that I even knew where he alighted, what bus he changed, which block he stayed in, and I could do it so secretly that he wouldn’t even know that I was behind him! Good eh? I think I can become a PI… kekeke…
Anyway, he took a liking to another friend of mine eventually (and I was the one who introduced them!), and they lived happily ever after. He was her first love leh! How nice to be able to marry your first love. That would never happen to me. They are married with I think at least 2 kids now (The last I knew was one lah). Funny, I did not feel sour or anything about that, because maybe I knew that we would never be together. We were… different. So that was my first crush.
My first real love was, well, someone from where I did my degree. He was quite a prominent figure in the school then. Being tall (I like tall), not that bad looking (ok, I know some of you may beg to differ on this point), and some other qualities that only people like me will appreciate.
Many other girls were infatuated with him back then. Why, don’t ask me, because I already said mah, only people like me will know how to ‘appreciate’ him. So yeah, he was popular.
Back then, I still was the old plain Jane (Not to say I am not one now, but I think I look better now than then). Not many people would notice me. If I were to stay in one corner and keep quiet, I think no one would even know I am there!
Somehow, he noticed me. Maybe he was making use of me, because the first time he called me was to borrow some research materials. And it just started from there.
Maybe it really takes time for one to understand another person. Or maybe things simply changed. Lady Luck stopped smiling on him. Everything just went downhill for him. And I left. I know many will say that I should stand by him blah blah. I did. And I think that what I did for him was more than what I could give. Much much more. And I think I had suffered enough, physically, emotionally and financially, to give me reasons enough to leave.
It took me a long time to forget about the relationship, to totally cut off all contact with him. So long it surprised even me. And I think I was really a stupid girl then.
How many of you will actually pay the handphone bill for your ex, up till 2 years after the breakup???
And how many of your ex will actually call and ask you how come you stopped paying, when you finally decided to stop???
Tell me, who can be more stupid than me.
Flower Power
7 Stalks of Roses - I Am Infatuated By You
3 comments:
I don't think it's Most Stupid to put in your whole heart into a relationship because when we start on any relationship, we would hope that it's THE ONE. It's about being true to how you feel & how you would like to be treated likewise.
Having said that, sometimes we do end up with the most inconsiderate, selfish fart around .. that's when we have to 'wake up' (and this really depends on how deeply we have fallen in, so the time factor of waking up varies) & tell ourselves, it's time to move on. It's not easy but we learn as we go along.
I know you have many thoughts moving in your mind right now when you're still in the 'looking out' stage & telling yourself about building walls of protection etc .. but you know when a relationship finally happens, things may flow differently and when that time comes, I think the JOY & Excitement of feeling again & having something to look forward & having someone to share it with, will revive the real you that has been buried inside for this long time.
You'll know He's the One when you feel Alive again (not say you're dead now hor) & can be Who you really Are - Unafraid to love & be loved. Most of all, to be spontaneous about how you feel :)He will be able to 'bring' you out .. err, just that currently, you've not gotten the right fit yet? O yes, I read about the pinky nails one .. scary!
I think people who go into relationships wanting to TAKE MORE OUT of it than they are willing to PUT IN are a sad bunch (incidentally, we have one in our office & SHE is getting ROM this month!!! So unfair hor?) coz' they will never understand what it means to really love somebody ... you are Definitely not that way and please don't ever be!!!
My wish for you then, my friend would be you'll find Him who will love you as you would love *fireworks :)*
Coming back to your tagline for the entry "The Most Stupid Me" ... if that's true, then I think there's a lot of Stupid People walking around the world who has found True Love ;)
Have a real Stupid day, please!
Thanks JNC! u nvr fail to clear my thods, when they r cloudy...
I know who u r talking abt! Haha, i hv heard abt her. Coincidentally, i heard abt another selfish fart ytd, and i shall blog abt HIM later... ;p
I know how much you went through at that stage and how bad it hurt. I was actually very mad with that a_ _ h _ _ _ _. Son of a bitch! But I am glad that you have been such a strong gal and I m so proud of you! pc
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