A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of many years recently. Not that recently, actually. It has been…. 6 months? I think.
The strange thing is, she has never told us (me and another close friend), that they have ended the relationship. It was only after a few drinks and she was supposedly drunk that she told the other friend that they have broken up. And that was almost 6 months ago, so the breakup was probably longer than that? After that, she did not mention a single word about it anymore, to the other friend or myself.
During the last gathering, which was after we both knew about the breakup, she was still referring to him as her boyfriend. Which left the 2 of us confused and puzzled.
I would understand if she had said she does not want to talk about it anymore, but she did not even tell us anything. Over MSN, I asked her if she was still staying at the place she rented with her boyfriend, meaning to ask if they have moved or anything, because I knew they rented it on a yearly basis. My purpose for asking was because we are arranging a meetup, and I am looking for a convenient for both of us. But she just logged off without replying, or saying bye.
We had arranged to meet up for dinner one of the days, but now, she does not even reply emails or smses, so I am not even sure if we are going ahead with the meeting.
Is there a need to be so evasive about the topic? Is it such a shame to tell people that you have broken up with your boyfriend, and tell them to stop asking about him?
I don’t know, because usually if people asked me about these, I would just tell, and if I did not feel like talking about it anymore, I would tell them how I feel directly (I do that, right???). Maybe I am lucky that my friends are understanding enough not to probe any further (Though I do know one that will keep probing and probing, even if I have expressed unwillingness to talk, or even displeasure at her persistence. No prize for guessing who.).
I told Bubbles about my concerns. She said maybe that friend did not want to talk about it. Yes, I know. But then, if she does not tell us, and if we keep on pretending that we do not know, is she gonna keep on avoiding the topic? I mean, if we are really that close, the question will definitely pop out one day, right? Or any question about her boyfriend / the relationship etc. Such topics will definitely not be left out in girls’ talk.
This reminds me of another person that Ping mentioned to me. Ping’s friend, who suffered a miscarriage some time last year, was still upset about it. And she does not allow anyone to mention anything about babies in front of her. If they do, it is selfish / insensitive of them.
Well, her miscarriage has already been some time ago. Yes, everyone knows that she is upset about it, and they are sorry that it had to happen. But then, if another friend has just given birth, should we not all rejoice for her as well? If a friend invites us to her baby shower, it’s to share her joy, not to show off to you that she has a baby, while you don’t.
Does it mean that if you mourn 10 years for your unborn child, the whole world has to mourn with you?
I know I sound harsh and unsympathetic. But then, this is reality. People will tend to flock to the place which gives them joy, instead of the place that will brings them sorrow.
Keep on at it, and I guarantee you, within 3 years, you will lose all your friends.
For all my friends I care about, I am most willing to share both joy and sorrow. In fact, I hope to absorb all your sorrows, so you can be happy again.
Me? I realized that the more bumps I meet on the roads, the more bo-chap I get. Nowadays, I forget everything easily, so forgetting sorrows are not a problem for me too. Or maybe, I just bury them deep down in my heart. When I feel like remembering them, I will dig them out and have a good reunion with them.
It’s not such a bad thing being happy-go-lucky, is it?
For my that friend who broke up with her boyfriend, I sincerely hope that she picks herself up soon, and move on with her life.
The strange thing is, she has never told us (me and another close friend), that they have ended the relationship. It was only after a few drinks and she was supposedly drunk that she told the other friend that they have broken up. And that was almost 6 months ago, so the breakup was probably longer than that? After that, she did not mention a single word about it anymore, to the other friend or myself.
During the last gathering, which was after we both knew about the breakup, she was still referring to him as her boyfriend. Which left the 2 of us confused and puzzled.
I would understand if she had said she does not want to talk about it anymore, but she did not even tell us anything. Over MSN, I asked her if she was still staying at the place she rented with her boyfriend, meaning to ask if they have moved or anything, because I knew they rented it on a yearly basis. My purpose for asking was because we are arranging a meetup, and I am looking for a convenient for both of us. But she just logged off without replying, or saying bye.
We had arranged to meet up for dinner one of the days, but now, she does not even reply emails or smses, so I am not even sure if we are going ahead with the meeting.
Is there a need to be so evasive about the topic? Is it such a shame to tell people that you have broken up with your boyfriend, and tell them to stop asking about him?
I don’t know, because usually if people asked me about these, I would just tell, and if I did not feel like talking about it anymore, I would tell them how I feel directly (I do that, right???). Maybe I am lucky that my friends are understanding enough not to probe any further (Though I do know one that will keep probing and probing, even if I have expressed unwillingness to talk, or even displeasure at her persistence. No prize for guessing who.).
I told Bubbles about my concerns. She said maybe that friend did not want to talk about it. Yes, I know. But then, if she does not tell us, and if we keep on pretending that we do not know, is she gonna keep on avoiding the topic? I mean, if we are really that close, the question will definitely pop out one day, right? Or any question about her boyfriend / the relationship etc. Such topics will definitely not be left out in girls’ talk.
This reminds me of another person that Ping mentioned to me. Ping’s friend, who suffered a miscarriage some time last year, was still upset about it. And she does not allow anyone to mention anything about babies in front of her. If they do, it is selfish / insensitive of them.
Well, her miscarriage has already been some time ago. Yes, everyone knows that she is upset about it, and they are sorry that it had to happen. But then, if another friend has just given birth, should we not all rejoice for her as well? If a friend invites us to her baby shower, it’s to share her joy, not to show off to you that she has a baby, while you don’t.
Does it mean that if you mourn 10 years for your unborn child, the whole world has to mourn with you?
I know I sound harsh and unsympathetic. But then, this is reality. People will tend to flock to the place which gives them joy, instead of the place that will brings them sorrow.
Keep on at it, and I guarantee you, within 3 years, you will lose all your friends.
For all my friends I care about, I am most willing to share both joy and sorrow. In fact, I hope to absorb all your sorrows, so you can be happy again.
Me? I realized that the more bumps I meet on the roads, the more bo-chap I get. Nowadays, I forget everything easily, so forgetting sorrows are not a problem for me too. Or maybe, I just bury them deep down in my heart. When I feel like remembering them, I will dig them out and have a good reunion with them.
It’s not such a bad thing being happy-go-lucky, is it?
For my that friend who broke up with her boyfriend, I sincerely hope that she picks herself up soon, and move on with her life.
Flower Power
3 Stalks of Roses – I Love You
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